I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
