I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
