i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
A bitchslap is in order.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
