just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
