I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
