hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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