Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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