If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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