just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
