the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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