dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
