No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
