I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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