you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
