Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
