Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
