this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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