Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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