Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
