dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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