I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
