My hand turned me down
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
