so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
