I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
