oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this just has baby written all over it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i out mim tonsoeep
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