Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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