hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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