Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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