The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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