I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
