sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
