i was born a porn star she said
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
