Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
