Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Such a big mess for such a small penis
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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