started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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