God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
