dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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