I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
even my farts smell like vagina
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This baby is an asshole
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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