Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
