I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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