Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize