You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
