That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
