I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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