Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
