$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
