god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
