I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
