by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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