In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
