"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
