You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
