dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
