So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are we still banned from the library?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
