Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
