I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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