If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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