I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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