I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize