If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
