Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
