One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
