Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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