I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
