so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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