Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
