i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
