hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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