I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
