You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
